Wednesday, April 26, 2017

My Mother is Dying

She has Parkinson's and is in pain much more often. She can barely walk and can talk more clearly when not with her medications on full blast. Her vision is okay and can see things with glasses so she can see my face, but I am really going through emotional hell right now. I am going to use the most powerful emotion, grief, to not only work though this long good bye, but to heal from many past traumatic events. I love her with all my heart, which makes it that much more difficult.

In all of this I am getting back my humanity which was taken from me when in the Marines and from my childhood neglect and abuse. That is what I want more than anything right now. I want my humanity back, and by god, I am going to get it back. I need my humanity so that I can express my true self, a man who is gentle and loving, and genuinely feels his own heart beating again.

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